I will never Be Normal

I will never Be Normal

It has become painfully clear that I live in a world that normal people do not understand and can not relate my world to them.  I live in a world that if left untreated becomes a danger to society like the man on the beach with the evil spirit who lived in caves told about in the Bible.

When my medications work, I am relatively sane and safe to be in the world.  When they do not work who knows what will happen.  During this passed week, I have tried to explain what is going on with me as best I know how.  The message did not make it to the destination.  It fell far short of the intended goal. 

I do not like to hurt people in any way, shape or form.  My past is full of pain and sorrow.  Some I caused and some I did not cause; but way too much for any life time.

Every five years of my life, as far back as I can remember, I go through a “major” manic/depressive episode.  Why I do not know.  I just know it happens no matter how much I prepare against it or to control it.  2009 to 2010 is the five year mark of these episodes and my medication does not seem to be controlling the effects very well.

What I am going through right now.

Mixed Manic/Depressive Episode

Bipolar Disorder may experience an elevated (extremely happy/depressed) mood, often described as a ‘mixed” feeling.  This mixed feeling is a combination of symptoms from the manic and depressed sides of the disorder being experienced at the same time.   These feelings are often frightening for the individual experiencing them and for others who witness them.  People who live with these episodes also experience consequences that result in conditions that must be dealt with after the symptoms fade.

A mixed episode which I seem to be experiencing at this time includes elevated racing thoughts which cause lack of sleep that lead to frustrated moods and quick irritable reactions that last at for extended periods of time; (Weeks to months) following the onset of the first symptoms.

Some of my identified symptoms are as follows;

                     Excessive spending on home repairs and remodel I could not afford

                     Tormented sleep

                     Restless sleep

                     Extreme nightmares

                     Not sleeping

                     Easily distracted

                     Racing thoughts

       Feeling restless at times

       Loss of motivation or being sluggish

       Fatigue and loss of energy

       Strong feelings of worthlessness and failure

       Excessive feelings of being misunderstood

       Strong guilt for letting other’s down

       Hard to really think and concentrate

       Fear of making a mistake causing indecisiveness

       Recurring thoughts of isolation

       Recurring thoughts of giving up

       Strong feelings of loneliness

 Guy Lewis; July 16, 2009


Are We Really Following the 1st Century Pattern?

Some facts to think about concerning the Church Assembly of the First Century.

Dress: (Not fancy attire of suits, ties and high class dresses)

Males = A cloth head cover which extended to the shoulders, a tunic undergarment covered by a loose fitting mantle outer garment with a four inch leather belt or cloth girdle and sandals.

Females = A cloth head cover which extended to the shoulders, a tunic undergarment covered by a loose fitting mantle outer garment and sandals.

Place: (Not carpeted buildings with comfortable padded pews and air conditioning)

Synagogue court yard, Caves, Catacombs, Private homes, River banks, and Schools

Reason: (Not five acts)

Praise God (Psalm 148:5)

Supportive concern for each other (Heb10:24)

Communion (1 Cor. 11;26)

Time: (No set weekly time given or implied by scripture)

Assembly was logically held in the early morning or late evening because most Christians were peasants, slaves, servants or haired workers during the day.

Teachers: (Not just males)

All who had a lesson; Male or female.  (1 Cor 14:26)

Song Leaders: (Not just males)

No God designed or authorized position of worship authority.  All who had a song lead their song; Male or female. (1 Cor. 14:26)

Communion Servers: (Not just males)

God, according to scriptures, has not designed or authorized any all male communion service.  All who attend the assembly took part in the communion be they males or females.