A Friendship Lost

We arrive here at about the same time
Both traveling long distances
Yours physical mine emotional
To arrive here.
We agreed to be there for each other
We agreed to be friends at this here
We laughed and shared
We were friends at a new here.
At least that is what I thought.I wonder why friendships end
Why ties of life sever
How someone once so close
Just drifts away without a good bye.
Was I mistaken?
Was I dreaming?
Wasn’t I devoted?
Wasn’t I steadfast?

All that is left here is a friendship lost.
 
Saturday, August 22, 2009
8:20:45 PM
Guy Lewis

I Was Rebuffed For My P.T.S.D.

I was “Christian” rebuffed in a couple of messages, because I am not seeing things as ‘black and white” or as “narrow” as this other person thinks I should. It was done sort of kind but rebuffed all the same. This was similar to the attitudes I remember from superiors in the Navy when I questioned them concerning two sided rules, unwritten policies, etc… Frustrated me then and does still. One of the skills I was taught and had to use was the art of seeing what is really being said. It was part of my training as a criminal investigator while in the Navy.

No I did not read things they wrote wrong. It might not have been meant to have been said the way it was but it was said the way it was.

Yes, there is 17 years of abusive hurts that haunt me daily as I walk my path in life.

However, respect, honor and love just because of a position is not a requirement when the person who should be responsible and respectable gives that right up by their own actions, attitudes and words.

So anyhow, I know people want to help and they want me to “pray” or “will” this memory of my past away: “just get over it”. Few people have a clue or know what it takes to live with memories like mine. It is extremely: mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. What I am going through is not something that can just be “prayed” or “force of will” away. There are many times in my life when the memories of my past are just really bad. The memories of my past are bad just because that is life is for me. This time of my life is one of those times.

I fight the demons in my head all the time. I know the real war in this life is being fought in the mind. Yet at times, with no warning, I hear sounds, smell smells, or see events happen; that trigger the flashbacks, daymares and nightmares. I never know what will trigger them in my memory or life. I do take medication to help prevent the major effects of the flashbacks, daymares and/or nightmares on the public and myself.

Yes, I would fix this if I could. I would give me back a life free from all this if it were in my power. Most of my friends and acquaintance would also if it were in their power.