Good Cop Bad Cop

Image

Good Cop Bad Cop

Disclaimer: This post is in NO WAY to justify “Bad Cops” but is intended to educate “Non Cops” about the life of a law enforcement officer from the eyes of a retired police officer.

Publicly embrace the Good Cop. Thank them for their service. Demonstrate support for the Good Cop as much and as often as you voice public distain for the Bad Cop.

No job is perfect at weeding out the “Bad” before employment is granted.

In the United States, fortunately for us, Good Cops are estimated to outnumber the Bad Cops by about twenty to one. This means that at least five percent of cops nationwide are “dirty”.

No public employment is the same as the employment of Police Officers either: Not teachers, preachers, house painters, plumbers, bookkeepers, accountants, doctors, florists, researchers, stock brokers, firefighters, sanitation collectors, pharmacist, etc.

Unfortunately, if there are “Good Cops” then there are also “Bad Cops”. Law enforcement is no different then any other public forms of employment; there will always be some keystone cops, some “robo-cops”, and some good cops.

Bad Cops feed his or her ego upon the fear they receive or generate from the average citizen.

Two things really stand out to identify the personality of a Bad Cop:

  • Arrogance
  • Authoritarianism

The job of law enforcement is different then all the other public job opportunities known (military not included).

1. Law enforcement officers are seen as authority figures and people treat them differently, even when they are not working.

2. Law enforcement officers wearing of a badge, uniform, and gun separates them in society. This segregation leads to many psychological issues that numerous studies have shown can create negative personality traits.

3. Law enforcement officers “at work” world is very negative. They see the bad part of society: The criminal, the abuser of the rules. This can, over time, skew the officer’s opinions on the character of the average human being. It can and often does create a cynicism, a critical view of the world. It is hard the officer’s to adjust to trusting fellow human beings when so much of their day is spent with people who are not trustworthy. It is hard to believe in positive intentions of people, when the day is spent with people who are intending to hurt others. Over time, this lack of trust can show up in the way the officer deals with people on a personal level, with neighbors, with a spouse.

4. Law enforcement officers have a different kind of stress in their jobs, called “burst stress.” Burst stress means there is not always a steady stressor, but at times, there is an immediate “burst” from low stress to a high stress state. In other words, officers go from complete calm, to high activity and pressure in one “burst.” The normal stress situation for most of the rest of the work force consists of a stress building process that can be either reduced or adapted to before it gets “out of control.”

5. Law enforcement officers have a job that requires extreme restraint under all emotional circumstances. They are trained to always be in control and in charge of any given situation. The emotional constraint of this takes tremendous mental energy, much more energy than expressing true emotions and often leads to emotional breakdowns over time.

6. Law enforcement has no gray areas. The law enforcement officer works in a fact-based world with everything compared to written law. Right and wrong is determined by a standard.

Again, publicly embrace the Good Cop. Thank them for their service. Demonstrate support for the Good Cop as much and as often as you voice public distain for the Bad Cop.

Guy Lewis, Payson Arizona, Sunday, July 22, 2012

Needless Friction

Image

Needless Friction

 

Virtually all relationship research has the same issues at or near the top of list concerning major relationship stifle or breakups. 

 

There are hundreds of research studies over the last 40 years that have five (5) problem areas in common.

1.   Non-sexual Affection/Affirmation. Men crave affection through affirmation and need affectionate affirming not necessarily sex more than women need affection. Men crave feeling special, needed, and being noticed by their wives. Men who do not get this affectionate affirming from their partner are twice as likely to seek a divorce then women. Women are fortunate because they get all kinds of affirmation from more people in our lives, mothers, children, best friends, etc. so women tend to need less from their husbands. In almost all relationship breakups this issue is present.

2.   Money. Almost two thirds of relationship breakups are based on finances. Seven out of ten relationships that end in divorce do so when one partner is unwilling to share income and living expenses with their partner. More women, an estimated 4 out of 5, fall into this miserly role then men.

3.   True Communication. Almost half of all relationship breakups have this issue as a core problem leading to the relationships demise. This trap is one, which most couples fall into rather than learning honest, open, intimate, and benevolent communication skills. This area is more likely the hardest issue for men and women to overcome and most studies seem to indicate the problem is not genetic but cultural and formed in the formative years of a child.

4.   Blame. All relationships have virtually equal blame for the failure to be shared between men and women. Not looking at your own shortcomings and honestly working to resolve them instead of pointing fingers at your partner is one of the most important areas that almost all lasting relationships share and is almost always lacking in relationships that breakup. Second marriage breakups tend to show an increase in “blaming” and not a decrease, which indicates that “do-over’s” are not teaching people to look inside for solutions to their individually repeated problems.

5.   Forgiveness. There seems to be two parts to this problem. The first is that not forgiving and letting go is the last of the top five issues, the majority of studies have in common, and that leads to the ending of relationships. One forth of women accuse their husbands of not forgiving and three forth’s of men say their wives were not forgiving; thus leading to the relationship failing. Letting go of past mistakes is one of the most important qualities of a lasting relationship. The second area of concern is commonly called “transferring” where one of the partners has not moved on from past relationship/s problems and associates the negative qualities into the new relationship; thus causing misdirected and needless, almost always fatal harm. The vital key’s to overcoming this deadly problem of un-forgiving is also two fold. Remembering that your new partner is not your old partner/s is the first vital key to a lasting forgiving relationship and remembering that we are all mistake prone needing constant forgiveness is the second vital key to a lasting forgiving relationship.

Findings compiled by: Guy Lewis, Payson, Arizona on July 25, 2012