Importance of Family
With the unexpected passing away of my brother on December 13, 2012, I made a commitment to do all I can to end the years of family segregating that has inflicted almost all of us for generations. I do love my birth family, my extended family, and my friends: This is why I am risking these articles.
Part 1: Selfishness and Resentments
In the course of my 56+ years on this rock we all call home, I have seen where family is very important and should be valued and cared for with all efforts possible. No matter the personal feelings there are at least six life events where selfish grudges of resentment need to be fully set aside where family is concerned.
E. Major Illness
I do love my birth family and my extended family. I value each person on their own standings: Individually by family birthright or inclusion by marriage. I do not believe that I know everything there is about the importance of family dynamics. I have made many mistakes in the area of life relationships and I will make many more mistakes by the time my life passes away.
- Some of my family will take exception to this writing and others will do a self-evaluation for the betterment of all.
- Some of my friends will take exception to this writing and others will do a self-evaluation for the betterment of their remaining lives.
- Which path each chooses is between them and their concept of God.
I grew up in a transitory family and yes I too segregated myself from the others for over 32 years by personal choice. I have no one to blame for that save myself.
We, the family, moved around a lot. We all took different paths as adults. Closeness was not a word we knew as children when the seeds of segregation were planted. Pretending to value a Christ directed life (provided it supported inbreed “EGO” self-centeredness). Yet without being specifically instructed; all 6 siblings learned well (in our own ways) the deepest poisoning of resentment – using this word as our unknown core motto for justifying segregation from each other as life turned into years: Turned into decades. Resentments are held as the deepest of traditions and worthy of full obedience.
“What Builds Resentments?”
1) False Pride
2) Perceived Rights Violated
3) Inflated Value of Self Importance
4) Arrogant Self Piety
5) Not Obtaining Wants (Physical, Financial, Emotional, Spiritual, or Intellectual)
“Selfishness Is A Form Of Generational Resentment That Festers As A Malignant Cancer Within The Heart If Left Untreated.”
There are many thousand vile resentments which I could write about to the disgrace of each and every member of the infected extended family. However, I will only state the following four as examples.
Example 1: There was a time in my youth where the patriarch did not get the deal he desired from Sears Roebuck Company, and vowed publicly to never shop there again for the rest of his life. I do not know if he kept this vow after I left home in March of 1974, but the memory of the toxic resentment voiced remains in me today. The children learned well this lesson.
Example 2: Something happen early in life, perhaps before my birth, that the matriarch of the family still holds as gold in her memories of early marriage: Bringing up often to justify withholding valued affirmations of honest love. She had wanted one specific material item of worldly ease and the patriarch brought home yet a different item of material worldly ease instead. The memory of this toxic resentment voiced over and over remains in me today. The children learned well this lesson.
Example 3: In July 2006, in an effort to turn the tide of this segregation, one sibling refuses’ to accept and acknowledge that another sibling never clearly heard him voice a desire to materially fund a meal for the partially combined family reunion; thereby chocking a hold onto a resentment to justify his childish behavior demonstrated to an innocent waitress at the time of the meal and not talk to or forgive the hard of hearing sibling that never understood the request spoken to a third person in the first place – never accepting the other siblings amends for not hearing or understanding the once spoken desire. Yes toxic resentments remain today: The children learned well.
Example 4: There is one set of pious sibling parents who resents their own son and will not talk to the son because a final will and testament left control of an estate to the grandson and not to them: More material selfish resentment. Yes the children learned very well.
“Selfishness Is A Personal Choice.”
EGO is selfishness. EGO is “Edging God Out” of our lives, thoughts, actions, and desires. EGO does more harm than good to others and ourselves. EGO must be limited as much as humanly possible.
Being a personal choice; selfishness can be both good and bad in this life depending on the core foundation of such an action. However, if the results of selfish actions ever harm another person, in the long term of life, then it falls firmly into the bad and must be avoided at all cost.
I encourage all family members (and friends who read this) to do an honest self-appraisal and see where any of your personal choices of selfishness has ever caused harm to anyone. No one is exempt from selfishness so, therefore, we all have our faults in this area of life and we all owe great amends to others. We are not arrogantly perfect!
Any person who does not believe that their selfish choices have ever done harm to another person is arrogant without exception.
“Some Character Signs Of Selfish Resentment.”
k) Rage/Anger/Hostility (Passive or Aggressive)
How important is selfish resentments really?
Guy Lewis, Payson, Arizona, December 26, 2012
Part 2 “Forgiveness Is A Personal Choice.”
Part 3 “Love Is A Personal Choice.”